Introspect
by garg-girl
Summary: Murray's inward thoughts and emotions during the climactic scene of Treed Murray. WARNING: SPOILERS! Contains violence and coarse laguage.


**Introspect**

_**by garggirl**_

Disclaimer:   
Canon characters are copyright Atlantis films.  
No infringement of these copyrights is intended, and is not authorized by the copyright holders.  
All original characters are the property of garggirl.

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Twelve hours. I've been stuck in this goddamn tree for twelve fucking hours! I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I just wanna go home. But the chances of this happening are becoming very slim to none. Why, you ask? The answer's very simple...I've been told I'm gonna die.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I've been told this the entire time I been stuck up here, but this was the first time I actually believed it. Y'see, a gang of teenage thugs are the ones to blame for my current predicament...well, I can't say they're all to blame. I pretty much just screwed myself from the moment I entered the park.

I never saw it coming, though.

Sometimes you don't. Sometimes the bad things…the awful things, they sneak up on you. Sometimes, they just come boiling out of the shadows, out of the dark corners and there they are. There they fucking are!

The one teen I had managed to somewhat befriend, I had betrayed. Carter's a good kid for the most part, and it's so painfully obvious that he just wants to belong. The gang leader, Shark they call him, he knows that. He fucking knows he can play on the poor kid's vulnerabilities. I bet that's why he agreed to let Carter fetch his own grandfather's gun.

That son of a bitch!

The others are clustered next to the picnic table when Carter returned. When I saw him approach I knew I was fucked, because he carried a pack in his right hand I knew to be the gun.

This is it...this is goddamned it! I'm finished, through, finito!

What's this? There taking a vote? Now they decide to talk this out? What kind of fucking timing is that?

Well, no surprise how Shark and that fucking psycho K.C. would vote. It isn't even a surprise that Dwayne voted not to shoot...he always did seem the more reasonable of the older boys. But Kelly...fuck! Kelly really got my attention. She voted no. Shit, after everything she had said to me, she's willing to just walk away? I think I've seriously misjudged her.

Carter. Carter's the deciding vote. Damn, after I gave him up to Shark for letting me back in the tree...but no -- Carter's a good kid at heart. He may be a lot of things, but I can't believe a cold-blooded killer is one of them.

What? What was that? He voted yes! Oh god, I'm fucked! I'm absolutely fucked!

I can feel myself talking, pleading, begging Carter not to do it, not for myself so much as for him. Carter is so young, his whole life is ahead of him. If I'm gonna die today, it shouldn't be by his hand. Carter has already lost so much in his life, more than anyone should, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him lose his soul to the darkness that is most obviously boiling and rising within him.

Everything happened so fast, a blur in a rush of time, then stopped as the bang rang through the air. Shit! Someone's been shot. I know it's not me, I'm still up the tree. Someone...oh shit! Shit-shit-shit! Carter's face down in the dirt!

Looking down at my would-be muggers, they don't look as menacing as they did when this mess began, mostly because there was now a steady stream of copper liquid rushing out of Carter's body.

What else can I do? It appears I'm the only one with the least bit of knowledge to aid the boy. It's time to end this. If the others kick the crap of out me, so be it, but I can't just sit by and watch the life drain from Carter knowing that I could've--should've done something.

It's a chore, but getting out of the tree isn't so much as laboured as it was getting up. Although, the pain in my leg wound spiked terribly as I hit the ground.

Coming closer just affirms my belief that these really aren't terribly scary thugs, just lost, lonely, horribly mess up kids who have only each other to turn to for strength and support.

My throat is dry and hoarse as I give Kelly and Dwayne tasks.

Shit! I didn't realize how weak I really am, can't even rip open his damn undershirt! Looking up, it's obvious Kelly and Dwayne's attention are no longer on the task at hand. Looking behind me...damn! Shark and his knife. Searching his eyes...it's indecisive. I wonder...

"I need that."

Damn...look at my hand shake! I've never been so scared...not for anyone else at least. Relief washes over me as he passes the knife and I set to work immediately. I'm vaguely aware of Shark behind me as he sends Dwayne for help and again as he gives K.C. his walking papers.

It seems like time slows as I pinch off the bleeding, nothing but the sounds of chirping birds overhead fill the air.

No, really not as scary. Shark does have sensibilities it seems. I look at him and I see nothing but concern and fear for his fallen friend. And in that moment...I know it's over. There's just something about a crisis that seems to end all the petty fighting and bickering that surrounds it.

Then, the distant sound of sirens overlaps the singing birds.

There's few things one can be certain of in life. For me, this experience has really drove home the point that I'm a prick. A right asshole...and from this moment forward, things are going to be drastically different.

THE END


End file.
